Every day seemed nearly endless, finally I had a chance to get away. An acquaintance of my family, invited me to visit her for a game of Qylls, as luck would have it she was also a member of the Secret group. I arrived early and explained to her that I needed to get away for several hours. She looked upset at the idea of misleading others but agreed that if I should 'become unwell' she would offer me a room and see that I was not disturbed.
Around an hour after sunset, I made my excuses, and left using the second entrance of the building. Galeorhin was waiting for me at the clearing.
"Greetings this Eve," I said quietly.
"And to you, Lheora Yhanni."
"Well, I'm ready for my first lesson," I informed him, trying not to sound overly eager.
"It will take place here, I do not think you will cause any accidents, despite what my uncle said."
I smiled at the way he emphasized the word 'I'.
"Are you laughing at me, Lheora Yhanni?"
"No, of course not," I protested instantly, he smiled at me.
"Then what amuses you so much?"
"No, it fascinates me that both you and Lord Rhialhin follow the same path of rebellion, but you seem to truly dislike the Elven value system whereas he is motivated by other things, or so it appears to me." I shrugged. "Please forgive my ramblings, someone once told me I have a face like a Higelldery, and I'm as curious as a cub sometimes."
(Higelldery is a native cat of E'rell'ha, the elven homeland. - AL)
"Someone said that to you?"
"When I was 16."
"I've always thought the Higelldery were rather attractive, in their exotic way," remarked Galeorhin.
I blushed, and fiercely scolded myself, 'He's not talking about you, silly woman!'
"Yes, I suppose they are, in a colorless sort of way," I agreed halfheartedly.
"There is not only beauty in color, Lheora Yhanni," he scolded me gently, with a less than unobtrusive glance at my bright red gown.
"You don't like it?" I challenged, not that his opinion bothered me...much.
"I can think of colors that would suit you better."
"Vanity is a sin," I reprimanded, without thinking. "But it isn't now, of course."
"You can not overcome years of ingrained religious lore in less than two months," he replied sympathetically.
"That was the first law I broke, you know." I was musing out loud rather than talking specifically to him. "One of the young men in my class said I looked like a Higelldery, I looked in a pool of water and sure enough, he was right. I couldn?t even manage to be a proper elf on the outside!"
(For those who are confused by this self-pitying little rant, I have white hair and black eyes, while most elves have black, brown or dark blonde hair and brown or green eyes.)
"But you aren't, truly, a 'proper elf' anymore are you?" Galeorhin pointed out patiently.
"I do believe I never have been."
"I was," he replied, "then things just stopped seeming logical, I think it was around the time my father insisted that I marry. We certainly didn't need anymore heirs, as you know, I have thirteen siblings, and we elves die only of old age in most cases. I wondered what the point was, and I was... discontented, I spoke to the only person I felt I could trust with these feelings."
"Lord Rhialhin?" I guessed, even as my heart skipped a beat at the mention of his marriage. "I have... trouble imagining you as a husband and father," I told him shyly.
(Exceptions being traders in the wrong place at the wrong time and criminals whose souls are considered unsalvageable. - AL)
"But indeed I am, in public, the proud father of two fine sons and three daughters all of whom are great examples of Elven virtue." He spoke so convincingly, it took a moment for me to recognize the irony in his voice.
"Now, on to your first lesson," he announced abruptly, clearly informing me that the personal part of the evening was over.
"As you say," I agreed. "How do we begin?"
"The first thing you must learn is how to 'see' with your mind," he began. "You start by meditating until your mind is relaxed and clear of worldly concerns, then you..." He faltered, I think he was having trouble explaining the process. "Imagine the place where you met the Five, but without them in it, do you remember how it looked?"
"Of course," I replied, insulted by his suggestion that I could have forgotten something.
"Good, now once you are there you'll be able to see the energy web I mentioned earlier, that's all you need do for the first part. The second thing is being able to return to your body, it will be connected to your mind-form by a cord, like a child to its mother," he explained, with just a hint of color in his face.
(Elves have very strict gender roles, in most areas, which are trained into them from early childhood. - AL)
I won't pretend I wasn't amused by his discomfort, I was also slightly shocked by the fact he even mentioned something that women, themselves, rarely talk about, but I managed for once to keep my opinions to myself.
"All you have to do to get back is follow the cord," he concluded.
I nodded and closed my eyes, it seemed simple enough, and meditation is something that comes very easily to Elves. I slowed down my breathing, making a mental list of nearby sounds and disregarding them. I was nearly ready to begin but I couldn't concentrate, I knew Galeorhin was watching me; I opened my eyes with a sigh.
"Could you look the other way, please?" I requested politely. "You're disturbing my concentration."
"How so?" he asked curiously.
"When you watch me it makes me feel insecure about my ability to do this." That was, of course, only half the truth, the whole of it being that his physical presence made me very aware of the differences in our gender.
He shrugged and complied with my request, I closed my eyes then returned to my meditation.
"This isn't working!" I exclaimed in frustration. "Galeorhin, I can't do this while you're here, could you just go and...and..." I thought about it for a moment, then blurted, "and bond with nature or something?"
"As you wish," he replied, ever so politely, he stood up and walked away until I could no longer see him, or sense his presence.
With that distraction gone, I fell easily into a state of full meditation, and, in my mind, carefully replicated the details of the place where I had met the Gods.
Suddenly I was standing there, I looked around me, at first I thought there were no trees then I realized that the columns of green flame surrounding me were the trees!
I looked closer and saw a single silver thread connecting the trees to each other; I decided that this must be the web Galeorhin had spoken of.
As if thought alone had caused me to move, and I know now that it did, I found myself standing behind a large fiery being, shaped vaguely like an elf.
"Galeorhin?" I said, or thought, the being turned to face me.
"Lheora Yhanni?"
"Obviously!"
"Not so obvious, my dear," he replied condescendingly, "lift up your hand."
"Why?"
"Please?"
"Fine." I lifted up my hand, only it wasn't a hand, it was a snow-white paw!
I jumped into the air in shock.
"Galeorhin?"
"How unusual," he remarked, "as far as I know, everyone else who can use this magic assumes their own form, or one like this." He gestured to himself.
"That's truly fascinating," I replied, with clenched teeth, "now would you please tell me how, in any God's name, I change back to me?"
"Well, technically, that form is a reflection of your inner self."
"So I'm a giant Higelldery on the inside, as intriguing as the idea is, I'd rather be myself right now."
"That could be a problem," he admitted calmly.
"Why?" I growled, literally.
"Down girl," he teased. "Because to change your form you have to be able to imagine what you want to change it to."
"And I haven't seen my reflection, properly, since I was sixteen."
"But, if you get a mirror in the meantime, next time you will be able to use your own form."
"I see, and where would I get one of those, hmm?"
"Why it just so happens that one of the group is a trader, and brought a mirror back for me, I'll lend it to you next time."
"Thank you, wait, if I'm in the form of a Higelldery, why can I still talk to you?"
"This is all our minds, you just perceive it as speech. One day you'll be able to speak from your mind to mine, from the other side of the forest!"
"Really?" I yawned suddenly. "So was that an actual yawn, or my imagination?"
"That, is not a joking matter, you had best return to your body."
I looked around my mind-form, and sure enough there was a fine silver thread beginning at my navel, I turned and followed the thread. I saw my body, on the sparkling ground, closed my eyes and walked into it. When I opened them I was an elf and sitting on the ground.
"That was well done," said Galeorhin, who was obviously more practiced than I, at traveling out of the body and seeing with the mind. "My apologies for distracting you before, though I am still not quite sure how I distracted you."
"I told you," I protested. "It made me feel..."
"Insecure," he interrupted. "Yes you did say that, but somehow I find it hard to imagine anything making you feel insecure."
"Well now you know that people watching when I'm practicing something new is one of the things that does it."
"As you say," he replied, using the formal phrase. "You had best be on your way home, it's only an hour or two until dawn."
"Already?" I exclaimed.
"Time passes differently, as the mind travels," he explained. "I will see you at the next meeting, now that you have been presented all you need do is bow to Rhialhin and myself then say 'greetings Brothers and Sisters' to the others."
"I'll remember."
"And Lheora Yhanni?"
"Yes?"
"Do try and be a little less...vocal, when Lord Rhialhin speaks to you."
"I shall smile and nod, and generally act like the foolish woman he believes me to be," I replied derisively. "Will that please you?"
Galeorhin winced at the acid in my tone.
"Yes, Lheora Yhanni, but more importantly it will keep you safe, to be on his bad side would not be a good thing."
"It's because he finds the idea of women having minds threatening, isn't it?" I speculated out loud.
"Home," Galeorhin ordered gently. "If you're out after dawn, you'll be missed."
" 'Til next time then."
" 'Til next time," he agreed, as I set off towards the home of my, barely willing, co-conspirator.
I reached the guest room, with no complications, and managed an hour of sleep before the gongs rang for the Morning Prayer service.